A happy thriving culture is what we all long for, work towards and create in our day to day living and working life. However, if happy, productive and fulfilled isn't your 'jam' here’s some tips on how to be totally miserable and disengaged on a daily basis!
1. Don’t listen to anyone, I mean ..really… don’t… listen. Make sure you interrupt people, and always think about what you’re going to say about what they’re talking about, while you (maybe), wait for them to finish so you can give them the benefit of your advice
2. Get really good at doing lots of stuff you hate doing and that seriously drains your energy, or better still focus on your weaknesses. And make sure you do the same for everyone else
3. Don’t laugh, ever, don’t have fun, don’t be light-hearted, don’t play, make sure you take everything the wrong way. Be very intense and overly PC
4. Diss anything to do with that touchy feely shit people talk about like positive psychology, mindfulness and neuroscience. Ignore the reams of research from eminent scientists because, well, it’s touchy feely shit and seriously it is really, after all, all about the numbers
5. Never offer a word of recognition to anyone, especially when they have a big win. People should be able to work it out for themselves, I mean isn’t wanting feedback and recognition a bit needy?
6. Stop reading, learning and developing yourself. After all, you’ve got the leadership gig because you were top of your field, so now you can just kick back and relax
7. Make sure you keep an eye out, daily, and constantly to catch people doing something wrong and be sure to let them know. See point 5 as to why they don’t need positive feedback.
8. Remind people that it’s all about the shareholders, the profit, the money.
9. Get in some highly paid consultants to craft a bog standard, soulless, generic, meaningless core purpose statement, cunningly disguised with some of those touchy feely words to try and hide the fact that it’s really all about point 8
10. Lead by example. Eat shit food (at your desk), work looooooong hours, don’t exercise (and make it clear that an hour off at lunch time for anyone else to exercise is OTT) and for crying out loud, none of that meditation crap.
If, however, you’d prefer to be a bit more cheery, and to create a happy thriving culture along the way, have a peek at Culture 101.
- Penny Nesbitt